“Studies in the United States have shown that 40% or more of divorced people regrets their divorce,” writes Doherty in Take Back your Marriage. “The great majority of divorced people believe that one or the other of them could have worked much harder to save the marriage.”
Here are Doherty’s nine signs that your marriage still has a shot:
1. You wonder if you ever loved your spouse – yet your friends and family say you were crazy about each other when you got married. Love was the genuine foundation of your marriage.
2. You say your spouse doesn’t spend enough time with you – yet you’re busy almost every night of the week. You’re involved in volunteering, socializing with friends, child-raising, and work.
3. You dwell on your spouse’s faults – but if asked to describe him, you use words like “kind”, “caring” or “responsible.” In fact, recent research shows that using positive words to describe your spouse indicates a healthy marriage that will survive the long haul.
4. You complain about your spouse to family and friends – but if they say you can’t save your marriage and should think about divorce, you’re hurt and surprised.
5. You say you don’t want to fix your relationship – but you cancel or don’t make appointments to talk to a divorce lawyer.
6. You say your spouse isn’t helping to fix your relationship – and you ignore the fact that he’s a good parent. You rule out the possibility that a good parent can learn to be a good spouse – and you can save your marriage together.
7. You say you want more emotional connection – but you refuse to be honest about how you feel. You say you want to save your marriage, but you don’t take the necessary steps.
8. You feel like you can’t do anything to fix your relationship – but you ignore your spouse’s attempts to reconnect or make your marriage better.
9. You know you won’t be able to explain why you ended the marriage to your kids – and you aren’t certain the pain you’re in now will justify the pain they’ll be in if you end your marriage.
If some of those statements describe you, you owe it to yourself to try to do everything what’s in your power to save your marriage.
Altea Consulting and Mediation offer hope for couples experiencing marital challenges who want to preserve their marriages and improve their relationship. Although mediation is not a substitute for counseling, it can offer couples a practical approach to resolving conflicts regarding issues such as children, career changes, blended or extended families, etc.
I will assist you in finding solutions to your individual problems, in overcoming various impasses to foster the communication and to preserve your marriage.
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